my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
