So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
