You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
