Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Are my feet made of real feet?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize