well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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