so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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