Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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