I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Oh god it's open bar.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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