dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Randomize
