are you still at the devil's house?
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I touched a dick in church today
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
