Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
