I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
