I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
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