If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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