I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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