when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
