Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
