Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
