Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
