I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
