Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
