when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
