it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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