I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
