Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
