Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
