I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
