Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
