Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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