We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
