I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
