in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
We just shotgunned beers for America
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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