At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
