you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
