So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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