he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
