What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
