There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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