i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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