I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
