I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
