You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
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