The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize