I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
