so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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