yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
