My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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