Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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