I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
