I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
