...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
